I am taking my Brother in Laws lead and writing about something I HATE! There was this one time, a long time ago, I liked deer. Not any more!
We have a lot of them in the back two acre field behind our house. By a lot I mean more then 30 less then 100. I have been unable to obtain permission to tag them with a paint ball gun to take an accurate count. Of course we live in the middle of a city too. We have several large males that would look awesome mounted in the neighbors garage. Half or more are pregnant. Their grow rate is competing with Utah County.
Why do I hate them. I garden. I grow such things as corn, peas, squash, tomatoes, carrots, beats, potatoes, radishes, cucumbers, pumpkins, grapes, strawberries, basil, peaches and a Simon and Garfunkel spice rack. The first year the entire crop was devastated by deer. I hate being the pantry for the local heard. Year after year I have struggle to keep my crop. I must say after years of practice I am getting better.
There is absolutely nothing like a fresh picked tomato still warm from the garden with a little salt. There is nothing like watching them grow and planning on picking them tomorrow and the next day finding your tomato on the ground with one big deer bite out of it.
I have called the fish and game and asked them to replace my garden. They said they would send someone out and write me a check. Unlike comcast, he never showed. Even after a 10 hour wait and a few follow up calls.
I have learned it is illegal to allow my dog to chase them. I have also learned running after them with a javelin shovel might just also be considered illegal. Rocks on the other hand seem to get them moving. I think I am the only one that really understands this problem. Give them a few more generations of living close to humans and we are asking for new version of a dogs playing poker velvet wall hanging. They will be stealing cigarettes, beer and cards from the local quicky market and playing poker right in the middle of your back yard. The young ones will be turning over trash cans and running a muck. Not to mention the ticks, fleas, flies and other insects they will bring. I am talking biblical problems here.
Nothing will drive them away. Believe me I have tried everything. Human hair. Thank you Great Clips, but it did not help. The cougar and coyote urine really does stink. It bothered Abby, but not the deer. All the other western garden products, were a waste of time and money. I have even asked a Buddhist monk and a LDS bishop for advice on a higher plan. Buddhist seem to think we all deserve food from the garden. The Bishop hand book did not contain a garden blessing. Oh and to my wife's co-worker, a stinky baby diaper barred in the ground is just gross. I am already chastised around the house for using compost. For those of you that don't know what compost is .. ask my wife or the neighbors.
Even the mountain lion that wintered over under my neighbor's deck did not help. Seems the deer were to healthy for the young lion, who feed on small dogs and cats instead. I have even watched as the neighbors sheep dog attempted to round them up into on coming traffic. I gave that dog a few dog treats. Like the rats of old these new urban pest need to be dealt with. I am open for an old fashion bunny bop. Hey, PETA fans who are disgusted with this post and the last line. Just remember, they will eat you out of your organic gardens one day. Then what?
I am open to suggestions. These beasts need to be dealt with!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD5zjUbWpXY&feature=related
4 comments:
Jimmy,
Fantastic post.
Here are a couple of ideas:
Dig a great big pit and cover it with twigs. On top of the pit, place a ripe tomato. Hidden underneath the sticks in the pit will be a Bangle Tiger. (Talk to Hogle Zoo about weekend rental rates.)
Be sure that the pit is deep enough so the deer or the tiger cannot leap out.
On days when the Bangle tiger isn't available for some odd reason, replace it with sharp sticks pointing up at the open hole.
Other ideas might include:
- Selling tickets and creating a petting zoo. That was you can afford to buy exotic organic veggies instead of growing them.
- Putting zapper collars on each of them and then setting up an invisible fence thingee that some people use to keep dogs in the yard. You'd have to toy around with reversing the polarity so that they get shocked when they try to get in rather than try to get out.
- Build a barrier out of dumsters and shipping containers around the perimeter of your yard.
- Develop a kind of tia kwan do yell that will alert them that you are seriously considering walking outside and applying round-house kicks to their mid sections.
- Harvesting them on Sunday when all your neighbors are at church. This is the same time that the fish and game guys watch football and drink Beer. Hire your brother-in-law Travis to haul the bodies off and make deer jerky that you can sell for cash a the Orange County Swap Meet. Use the guts for compost and tennis racket strings.
Just a few thoughts to consider.
Brian,
Can you ask your Dad to barrow his excavation equipment. Seems you have to be a male family member for some 16 years before you can operate it.
Why borrow, when all it takes is a key?
parsley sage rosemary and thyme.
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