Bambi?

I am taking my Brother in Laws lead and writing about something I HATE! There was this one time, a long time ago, I liked deer. Not any more!

We have a lot of them in the back two acre field behind our house. By a lot I mean more then 30 less then 100. I have been unable to obtain permission to tag them with a paint ball gun to take an accurate count. Of course we live in the middle of a city too. We have several large males that would look awesome mounted in the neighbors garage. Half or more are pregnant. Their grow rate is competing with Utah County.

Why do I hate them. I garden. I grow such things as corn, peas, squash, tomatoes, carrots, beats, potatoes, radishes, cucumbers, pumpkins, grapes, strawberries, basil, peaches and a Simon and Garfunkel spice rack. The first year the entire crop was devastated by deer. I hate being the pantry for the local heard. Year after year I have struggle to keep my crop. I must say after years of practice I am getting better.

There is absolutely nothing like a fresh picked tomato still warm from the garden with a little salt. There is nothing like watching them grow and planning on picking them tomorrow and the next day finding your tomato on the ground with one big deer bite out of it.

I have called the fish and game and asked them to replace my garden. They said they would send someone out and write me a check. Unlike comcast, he never showed. Even after a 10 hour wait and a few follow up calls.

I have learned it is illegal to allow my dog to chase them. I have also learned running after them with a javelin shovel might just also be considered illegal. Rocks on the other hand seem to get them moving. I think I am the only one that really understands this problem. Give them a few more generations of living close to humans and we are asking for new version of a dogs playing poker velvet wall hanging. They will be stealing cigarettes, beer and cards from the local quicky market and playing poker right in the middle of your back yard. The young ones will be turning over trash cans and running a muck. Not to mention the ticks, fleas, flies and other insects they will bring. I am talking biblical problems here.

Nothing will drive them away. Believe me I have tried everything. Human hair. Thank you Great Clips, but it did not help. The cougar and coyote urine really does stink. It bothered Abby, but not the deer. All the other western garden products, were a waste of time and money. I have even asked a Buddhist monk and a LDS bishop for advice on a higher plan. Buddhist seem to think we all deserve food from the garden. The Bishop hand book did not contain a garden blessing. Oh and to my wife's co-worker, a stinky baby diaper barred in the ground is just gross. I am already chastised around the house for using compost. For those of you that don't know what compost is .. ask my wife or the neighbors.

Even the mountain lion that wintered over under my neighbor's deck did not help. Seems the deer were to healthy for the young lion, who feed on small dogs and cats instead. I have even watched as the neighbors sheep dog attempted to round them up into on coming traffic. I gave that dog a few dog treats. Like the rats of old these new urban pest need to be dealt with. I am open for an old fashion bunny bop. Hey, PETA fans who are disgusted with this post and the last line. Just remember, they will eat you out of your organic gardens one day. Then what?

I am open to suggestions. These beasts need to be dealt with!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD5zjUbWpXY&feature=related

I think I need to write a little bit about the oldest child, Abby. She has been with us since shortly after we purchased our house. She is our social connection to the neighborhood. Everyone knows the black lab with the purple collar. If any one gives me a puzzled look as to where I live, I just say I am the one with the black lab and every one knows the house. She was once mistaken for a lab with a red collar which was running wild in the neighborhood. The person was quickly corrected by a neighbor. Abby does not run wild in the neighborhood. She was actually a little mad that the person suggested Abby could do such a thing.

When we first moved, a close neighbor's son came over and asked to play with Abby. He has been coming over ever since. On more then one occiasion he has sneaked out in only his BVDs to throw the ball for her when I have been out working in the yard.

Kids actually will come ring the door bell and ask to play with Abby. Sometimes I think their parents get mad at them and send them our way. I never quite know how to react to it. I think kids need good dog experiences so I have only refused once. It was after ten at night.

Abby has even been invited on walks by adult neighbors ... without us. I had no idea how to react to that. " Excuse me, can I take Abby for a walk with me. I just want some company." I wonder why they don't invite us, if they invite us on a walk, the Abby will come too. I mean what do you say to that?? No thanks, Abby only likes to walk with us. Your arms look a little weak she might pull you over? Abbys walk insurance has lapsed when we get it renewed we will call you?

I guess when you have a great dog, everyone wants to get in on it!

Do Good Fences Make Good Neighbors?

Do Good Fences Make Good Neighbors?

I have to say, our neighbors have some interesting house guests Like this one time they had someone watch their house while they were out of town. I went walking along the side yard to find her topless and in a thong sun bathing.

Or, there was this other time that this woman knocks on our door and asks me to tie her shoes. Apparently she had just had major back surgery but wanted to go for a walk through our hilly neighborhood. She was sneaking out while the neighbor was running errands. She started off walking at a snails pace asked me if i could check on her if I didn't hear back from her in an hour. An hour goes by and nothing so we jump in the car and find her about a half block away...we had to load her in the back of the car, and she could only lay flat. It was crazy. Seriously, you go ask some random man to tie your shoes and check up on you.

Another house guest asked if she could take some basil from our garden, because it did not look like we were going to use all of it. We said yes, thinking she's take a sprig or two... She cut down 3 full bushes of if it for pesto.

Fire, noise, smoke and flying food

One more email to my wife when she was out of town ...

Last night was somewhat comical. I started fish sticks in the oven. The package says 475, at about 400 the oven starts to smoke from whatever you spilled in it over Christmas. Picture this: Leah is asleep on the couch, she did not wake up from coming inside, so she is still in he coat and on her blanket. Next to her is Ella. She is tired and just watching TV I am get dinner ready.

The Smoke alarms went off! The smoke alarm does not wake Leah. What wakes her is me running around opening the doors to get the smoke out of the house. She gave me a funny look, like it is cold what the hell are you doing Dad, can't you see I am sleeping?

I turned the oven off and stuck a thermometer in the fish sticks .. figuring once they get to 175 the would be ok to eat. I finished dinner with the kids. Rob and Lisa came over with Thomas. Rob played with Abby as I did the drive way. After they left, I asked if she still wants to marry Thomas, she said no Beck. It made me smile.

On a side note. I have to say, any time you can involve fire, noise, and flying food you have a winning dinner combination for a one and a half year old. (no, I didn't make fish sticks again, we went to Tepanyaki)

And a cry for help ...
How do I post a video from youtube?

Something will always happen...

An excerpt from an email to my wife when she was out of town ...

I walked into a house today and it was 50 degrees. The first thought was did we pay the gas bill? I have lived in a few places where paying the bill was the issue as to why something did not work. Water?

Anyway, the thermostat had a battery low warning. I set the kids down and went about figuring how to replace it. As I was fixing thermostat the smoke detector started chirping--the one on the 14 foot ceiling. I have been afraid of heights since the time my Grandmother fell off a ladder putting up Christmas lights at their old store. I remember watching helpless as she fell. Then, looking at her foot that was pointing the exact opposite way, then running into the store to tell my Grandpa. Then the hours spent at LDS hospital. Then the walker and crutches. As I took out the 12 foot ladder from the garage I wondered if it would traumatize my kids like my grandmas fall did me, if I fell. I was very careful. I replaced all the batteries in the smoke detectors and got the girls dinner. As I took the dog out my nephew and his friend drove up and asked how I was doing without my wife. I said just fine.

I should thank those that helped out when my wife was out of town a lot last month. Rob, Lisa, Joni and Stella. Kelly I am still waiting for you to pay up!!!!

Perceptions

Stella

Happy Belated Birthday Stella. Sorry you Pats lost. When you package comes you will do chinese again.

Who has perception problems

My wife and I just have a perception problems.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at Red Rock and I kept staring at a drunken
lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

Yes," I sighed. "She was my old girlfriend. I understand she started to drinking right after we split up many years ago, and I hear she has not been sober since."

"Wow!" said my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Sigh

Oh Eli

Thank you Eli and the NY Giants!!!! I really wanted you to win!!
http://drunkathlete.com/2007/01/16/elis-living-on-a-prayer.aspx
I love drunkathlete.com

I am still wondering how the Fans on Grandma's couch viewed the game?